On Thanksgiving
in 1984, I was so distraught that I took my cache of Valium prescribed by my
psychiatrist at the time and left with no thoughts of returning home. Living in
domestic violence with its abuse and growing up in domestic violence that
continued the cruelty made my life hell. When I attempted suicide, six angels
came giving me information and instructions to stop taking the medication.
Today, I would say spiritual help came.
Several years
later, the night before returning home from a short trip from a Canadian Resort
my life changed forever. After three weeks of no alcohol, my husband resumed
drinking and went into temper tantrums, again. After dinner and his evening of
tirades, he decided we would go home instead of waiting to check out in the
morning. It was around 3 o’clock in the morning as we were heading south
from Harrison Hot Springs in Canada
to the United States
border.
His rage was
vindictive as he drove erratically down the middle of the road weaving from
side to side. “God please help me, I really don’t want to
die”, was my prayer. Within a few minutes, my husband pulled off the
road. That lasted for the rest of the night.
Many different
types of answers came into my life, quite quickly. At the time, I did not
understand about being spiritual. I seemed to know the new opportunities for
healing, counseling, and classes that appeared as if from nowhere were to help
me. Through therapy and appropriate programs and their assistance, I began
seeing that I had lived my life from fear. It was time to shift to a loving
basis for my life.
Throughout my
early recovery, I learned what I did to perpetuate the circumstances. They
were usually from my subconscious emotions of my wounded childhood. I had been trying
to protect myself on an emotional level. In meditation, I was told
profound information to assist my inner growth and maturity.
Over time, I
understood his deep pains from his traumatic childhood. We had attracted each
other because of similar childhood backgrounds−alcoholism/
One evening,
during one of his tirades, he dropped me on cement and broke my tailbone.
Another evening during an outburst of rage, he chased me around the house and
cornered me in our son’s bedroom; I knew I would become mincemeat and was
terrified. Time stopped as angels held him like a statue just a few feet from
me. A silent voice inside said to say, “God forgive him as he knows not
what he does” and I added “God bless him”.
You cannot
attack love. It is the fear sent out and then a retaliation of fear returning
that escalates into violence. You have to stop playing the game of
passive-aggressiveness. I stopped participating in the struggle. I learned that
the lesson is if you send love to someone,
that person will not attack you. As I began to replace my selfish
ways and self-centeredness of protection with unselfish love, I was not
attacked again.
This change in
focus was increased by cleaning out my emotional inner past maltreatment,
fears, and resentments through co-dependent treatment, meditation, and support
groups. It was necessary to replace them with God’s love and grace. At a
subconscious level, I created a “New
Me.”
Through the
experience of calamities, I changed my responses to his abuse. I learned to not
react from fear, but respond in love. This brought wisdom and understanding. I
found that releasing the past and moving into the moment or the essence of God,
was reality. Applying healthy tools for living and communication in
relationships brought a happier life.
As I pray,
love, and send forgiveness to others, I heal those relationships of abuse. This
twist returns healthy relations. As I become a channel of God’s love, I
move into a higher consciousness of serenity and peace. No longer do I react
off the buttons of the past and relive those unpleasant times. Fear of the
future is replaced with seeing life as an adventure where the universe protects
and cares for me.
Finally,
responding with love for others and myself can produce the life of grace I
desperately sought. It took twenty-eight years learning consistently to stay in
the “Now” of my life with joy and gratitude. My reward is having
attracted a 13-year relationship of unconditional love with a spiritual fellow.
There is no other part. It is all God; it is all good. The presence of God has
become the most important part of my life.
Marilyn
Redmond, BA, CHT, IBRT, International Board Certified Regressionist, Holistic Counselor,
international consultant, international Speaker, and is an award winning
international writer. She shares spiritual information for life and living in
health, healing, and happiness. She was inducted into Who’s Who for
Professionals and Executives for her innovation and pioneering work in
restoring traumatic lives, healing emotional causes of illness and releasing
negative energy. Marilyn’s blog is at http://www.daybook.com/
Her first book, “Roses Have Thorns”,
chronicles her experience through childhood and marriage domestic violence. It
is available at amazon.com/author/
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